Hello everybody. I found this forum when I searched “Stalked by my dad” and I decided to post because I don’t know what to do. I guess this is more of a rant than a question, but I’m very frustrated.
My narcissistic dad started stalking me when I was a teenager (I’m 32 now). He was abusive, an alcoholic, etc. He started doing small things like driving by the basketball courts when I was there with my friends or constantly driving by my friend’s house if he knew I was there, and it gradually increased to him waiting at the end of the driveway for me anytime I wasn’t at home, literally for hours.
We both live in a really small town of 2,500 people so everybody knows everybody, and he uses that as a way of finding out what I’m up to. The man is 75 and has never turned on a computer let alone used the internet, yet he can find out every piece of information about me instantly as if he was a private investigator or something – it’s insane!
Well, a couple months ago I got married and I did not invite him. He only met my wife once and that was when he got word that we go for walks every night on the road outside our house (he did not know where we lived exactly, but someone must have told him they saw me walking) so he drove up and down the street the entire day waiting to see us walking so that he could find us. I know he was doing this because multiple neighbors called the cops (my friend is a cop and told me – again, very small town!) after seeing him driving up and down the road for hours and also parking on the side of the road for hours waiting to see us. My wife was very uncomfortable with him and his antics so I did not invite him to the wedding…I didn’t want him there anyway so it was fine by me. In fact, I did not propose to my wife as soon as I had wanted and it was 100% due to the fact that I didn’t know how to deal with my dad and the wedding.
He has also, on more than one occasion, found out who my bosses were at my job and then figured out where they like to go out for drinks on weekends, and then he went there every weekend until they showed up so that he could ask them if I was good at my job or not. I came in one Monday morning and my boss told me he cornered them at a restaurant asking them if I’m good at my job, if I’m know what I’m doing, and if people like me there…and he said the waitress told them that this guy (my dad) has been coming there for weeks just sitting by himself.
He of course found out the next day that we got married and now his stalking is out of control. At first he started driving up and down our road a lot more frequently (dozens of times a day). Eventually, he found out exactly where our house was, which is a private road that has all of my wife’s family living on it, and he started driving into our driveway and just parking there for long periods of time and staring into our front window. He does this pretty much every day and just sits there staring into our house. My wife’s grandma says he drives into the driveway while we are both at work and sits there for an hour staring at our house. Now, just recently, it has escalated to him getting out of his car and knocking on the doors of every house that is on our private road in order to try and find me. I’ve told everybody to not answer the door and do not engage him.
I have a brother and sister who both live in the area as well and he doesn’t do this to them. He’s never really stalked them at all, it has always been me. I think it’s because they have always just “given in” and eventually just talked to him, whereas I refuse to. I think his narcissistic personality won’t allow him to accept the fact that I won’t cave and talk to him. The more I avoid him, the crazier he gets with his stalking. Just a couple days ago he cornered a guy at the gas station who I worked with 10 years ago and asked him why I didn’t invite him to my wedding and wanted to fight the guy when he said he hadn’t seen me in 10 years and didn’t know I got married. It’s nuts.
Here is what makes everything so weird: He doesn’t even want anything. The few times he has managed to successfully corner me somewhere, all he does is say “How’s is going?” and that’s it! This makes me think he is stalking me just because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel or something. I think it makes him feel powerful. Or maybe he’s such a narcissist that just cornering me and asking me how’s it going is a “win” for him because he got what he wanted and I didn’t.
Has anybody dealt with something like this before??